Asking for help

I hate it. I hate everything about it. Hate is such a strong word but I do strongly dislike asking for help. It makes me feel useless and stupid. I do need help though so I put on my big girl panties and had a talk with Daddy.

I am an extremely independent person. I like things just so. I like to be on top of everything and get things done in an orderly organized manner. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I have a horrible memory and Daddy often says I need a rememberall from HP because I’m always forgetting something. This is my downfall.

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Daddy and I talked the other day about needing more of a hands on approach/help on three things. First, focusing on my schoolwork and getting assignments turned in on time. I was the world’s best procrastinator back in the day and my game has gotten that much better since I have better reasons behind it. I’d much rather come home after work and play with the mini cupcake, put her down then relax with Daddy and sleep, but at some point I need to squeeze in time to do some homework. If it were up to me I’d probably never touch the stuff which is why I asked Daddy to help me.

Second, making sure I take every single one of my required pills. I have to take quite a few pills and vitamins throughout the day. I used to be fairly decent at remembering but my work schedule isn’t set at the moment. Which means each day I could and usually do work completely different hours. This totally throws my routine. As a result I’ve been missing most of my pills. Not good for my health so I asked Daddy for help.

Third, working out more. I’ve hit a plateau with my weight loss. I haven’t been losing any weight and been stuck at the same number for a couple of weeks now. It’s quite frustrating but at the same time since vacation my working out has been nearly non-existent. Yes, cause and effect, but I can’t seem to get motivated so I asked Daddy for help.

All of these things are pretty large items but I struggled with asking for help. Honestly, I still can’t wrap my head completely around the fact that I can’t do such simple things myself or manage my time better when I know its needed. I just feel ridiculous for needing help with this stuff, like I need a micro-manager constantly. I mean I’m an adult and should be able to pull my stuff together but I haven’t been able to find a groove lately.

As you can probably see this has led to more self doubt over the last week. I don’t want Daddy to get tired of helping me with everything all the time or burn him out being the meanie. He says its his job to look out for me and help keep me on track so I shouldn’t worry. Oh I worry, constantly, but I feel a lot better now that we’ve talked and talked and talked about everything.

Hitting the Wall

So until I can find my groove with everything and get back to my routine Daddy’s going to help. He’ll be the brick wall I crash into when I just feel like giving in. I will find a groove! I nearly had a dent in one but the last 2 days were CrazyTown so back to square one. I’m still not giving up, though my butt may wave the white flag long before I do.

Best: going to play at the park with the MC

Worst: work late today :(

<3 L

Injured…injured bad


I just love this kid! He cracks me up!

Injury #1 Right forearm

Let me set the stage for you. I was relaxing on the couch with Daddy watching some TV. Normally I tell him when I’m hungry or thirsty and he’ll either get me something or tell me what I can get myself. This time I had my drink already but before I had sat down again I had put my drink on the shelf off to the side. Well my thirst kicked in so I got up and headed in that direction. I had maybe 5 steps to go, the entire way! I took two steps, tripped over one of the mini-cupcake’s toys and slammed my arm into the corner of the wall.

D: What did you do? Where did you hit?

Lp: My arm. The skinniest part of my whole body! I think i hit bone.

I got some snuggles and an ice pack but it really hurt and there were quite a few tears.

Lp: My glasses are broke.

D: Why are they broken? (a little alarmed since it’s a new pair)

Lp: They got cry on them.

Out of all my injuries this day, this one was by far the worst. Not only was it in a bad spot and have a knot and a soon to be wicked bruise but it happened when I was little. When I’m little I’m about a hundred more times emotional.

Injury #2 Right thumb

I had recovered from my early morning injury quite well, I suppose. I had somehow earned myself a spanking. We were towards the end when I pulled a big huge no-no. I reached back to block and Daddy hit the tip of my thumb with the paddle.

I know. I know.

Anon in my head: Lily Katherine!! Why would you reach back??

L: Why? Because it hurt! Duh!

AimH: But you know better! You have to have been spanked 7,000 times by now. You know spankings hurt.

L: Sheesh 7,000, that’s a bit steep. I’m not that naughty. But yes I do know better but I think my sanity flew out the window.

AimH: Well natural consequences at work there I suppose. You need to work on that.

L: Thanks for that. You’re a real gem.

I’m not too great at staying still, holding a position or otherwise being generally cooperative during a spanking but this Daddy knows and allows within reason. Obviously reaching back is frowned upon. Normally he allows me to hold Ellie during if I need something to hold on to so I don’t reach back but again, I had a brain fart. Daddy apologized profusely and got me some ice again. Seriously we need more frozen veggies in this house. Luckily that was the end of the spanking but truth be told I would have rather finished the spanking it probably would have hurt less than my thumb throbbing all night long.

Injury #3 Right eye

If you thought oh geez two injuries today she should probably go to bed so nothing else happens, you’d be a genius because that’s what I thought! I climbed into bed got my covers up and then couldn’t find Ellie. She had somehow gotten tangled in the covers towards the middle of the bed. I reached her with my hand and tried to leisurely toss her up to her place on the bed.

Did that go as planned? Ohh nay nay.

Ellie roundhouse kicked me in the eye!! The traitor! She’s an elephant, with beans in the feet, and she kicked me.

So now my eye stings, my thumb is throbbing and my arm has a huge bruise on it. But the day was not complete without a pirate joke since I only had one good eye at the time. Arrrrrn’t I hilarious :p

Best: I’m actually making a dent in my pile of homework
Worst: Darn mosquito bites are itching like crazy
<3 L

The Case of the Missing Wallet

Lets recap…I got a stress relief/issue fixing spanking which turned into a fixing my ‘tude spanking which left me sore with a few baby bruises starting.

I had a chance to spend time with the MC all morning, had a chance to relax and snuggle with Daddy so it was a good day, what could go wrong? I headed into the usual crap-fest that is work but it wasn’t going to be too stressful and there wasn’t the usual mountain of paperwork at my desk. I just had to handle the next few hours then head home to Daddy. I was in a good mood and then Daddy messaged me.

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Daddy: You forgot your wallet young lady
Lily: OMG
Daddy: I am looking at it right now
Lily: Dang it!
Daddy: Think your good girl spanking just got changed
Lily: I’m sorry :(
Daddy: I am more upset about you driving without your license than anything
Lily: I’m so sorry Daddy
Daddy: I bet you are but you are going to be a lot more sorry and it is going to be worse than earlier today, this is very serious young lady
Lily: Please not worse Daddy?
Daddy: We will be talking about it at length
Lily: Please, please not worse. My butt is still sore
Daddy: Drop it young lady or you will be in a much deeper hole

Well that matter was dropped, I’m not that crazy. I got to leave work early so I was able to see the MC before bed which was another mark in the ‘Great Day” column. Dinner was had, MC was down for the count and I was sent to my corner. I was set up in my corner for at least a few minutes while Daddy gathered his weapons of choice and moved them to the living room. He’s had a new found love for over the arm of the couch these days.

I was led from my corner in the bedroom to the living room where Daddy had everything all neatly laid out on the little side table: square plastic hairbrush, smaller oval plastic brush, belt, strap and paddle. I ended up getting 5 minutes with his hand before I got about 3 minutes with each implement. I got a ‘rest’ in between but Daddy kept up the swats with his hand or kneading/squeezing my butt, so not a real rest at all. This spanking was already worse because of the one earlier in the day. I was actually doing okay until we got to the paddle. Two swats in and there were the ever sought after tears. Daddy finished up with 5 hard swats but then it was done and over with and lots of hugs and kisses. I felt a whole lot better after we were able to snuggle in bed.

I know that the earlier spanking was pretty bad but it left me feeling a little better than I had all week. Looking back it was like I was at the very top of a hill. I could have gone either way, back to feeling off or the other route and return to normal Lily. The spanking for the wallet pushed me in the right direction. Yes it was a bad spanking, yes I have bruises and yes I’m still a bit sore but am I completely sorry it happened, no. Don’t misunderstand though, it was a complete accident, one that has never happened before, and if I have anything to say about it, never will happen again, but it helped me immensely. I’m much happier, feel much better and don’t feel as trapped in my emotional robot stage. Hopefully this spanking sticks with me awhile too :)

Best: Was a nice day for the park
Worst: Long work day
<3 L

Inappropriate Intrusion

As part of the punishment I got on Saturday, Daddy is making me write about what I did and what happened as a result of my poor choice.

I sent an email to someone that was about an inappropriate topic that was none of my business. I also used crude and unladylike language in said email. Overall, it was a lapse in judgement that looked poorly upon Daddy. It earned me a harsh punishment :(

My punishment started with Daddy’s hand. I got about 200 and then Daddy moved on to the plastic hair brush. I got about 100 with the brush until Daddy paused to double check and ask me “What are you being spanked for?”

I responded with “Sending an email to someone without a sense of humor.”

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I don’t know why I said that to be honest. I knew I was in for it from the get go and this is a fine example of my smart mouth jumping the gun before my brain can interrupt and say Lily shut up, you’re in enough trouble already!!

Daddy was not too pleased with this response, as you can imagine. He finished up about 50, hard smacks with the brush before he asked me again. This time I responded with the correct answer “Sending an inappropriate email with crude language.”

From there Daddy started over. He went back for about 100 with his hand then picked up the plastic brush. I really wish we didn’t buy it or at least only used it for its intended purpose. I got another whole set of about 350 before he had to go and pick up the strap. I got 25 with the strap and at this point I was about done. But noooo, still had the paddle to go. I got 75 at about medium+ but the last 5 were ridiculously hard. Daddy let me lay on the bed a little before we talked, thank goodness. We talked about everything and I was done until he said he wanted to take a picture. I told him no.

Wrong answer.

I know, I know. My butt already is already red, possibly has bruises and hurts. I don’t want to sit so why, oh why would I tell him that? I’m pleading insanity. Well I went back over for another 25 with the paddle. In total this was definitely the worst punishment spanking since we’ve started back up again and I will try my hardest to not earn another one like this again.

After all of that I had to send an apology email and write this post, complete with embarrassing picture (my no obviously failed). I will definitely think twice about the topics and language used in my emails from here on out.

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Best: Time to relax
Worst: Loooooong Monday

<3 L

Fight v. Flight

Here’s how my night went a few days ago:

FvF

     Homeostasis=Me having decent behavior and no punishment

     Perceived threat=Daddy with a bath brush

    Fight definitely FIGHT

    Exhaustion rarely occurs

I earned a punishment over the course of the day, I want to say for not answering properly. Daddy has since then decided my butt can take a harder punishment, I’m in disagreement, my butt is not as sensitive but still haven’t totally gotten used to a bad spanking but I digress. I was bent over the arm of the couch and after a hand spanking my butt was already starting to hurt because his hand is huge and hard. He picked up the bath brush and started to spank away. I hate that thing, its a decent size, wood and hurts like a mother. I was doing ok with the hand spanking and a few swats of the brush. I was sticking to my little wiggling and picking my feet up off the floor but as the spanking got worse so did my movements.

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I wasn’t panicking but as the intensity and the fire in my butt built my Fight v Flight definitely kicked in. I’m a fighter for sure. I still had my arms tucked under my but had wiggled so my torso was more on the couch in an effort to get away. I was kicking my legs and moving around a ton (the above times like 5), Daddy held my legs at one point but that didn’t last long because of the awkward position I had moved into. Daddy eventually stopped, I was pretty close to tears but not quite there. Daddy went in for the customary hug and kiss to let me know I was forgiven and it was taken care of but I didn’t want one. I know this part hurt Daddy but I just wasn’t ready to talk to him about what I was feeling and what was going on in my head.

I got a few hugs and then laid on the couch wanting to wallow in my own pity for a little bit. Daddy gave me a little space and sat on the couch and rubbed my leg while we watched a little TV. Later on he gave me the ‘choice’ to talk now or later. I picked later because I was still trying to determine exactly what I was feeling and I rather talk to him when we’re snuggled in bed.

After the shower I had figured out what the heck was wrong with me. I felt ridiculous, stupid and a huge baby. I felt ridiculous because after it was all over it actually wasn’t that bad of a spanking, I could have taken more. It’s like in my head as soon as the pain reaches a certain level I can’t handle it, for lack of a better word, this scares me and I start to fight it. Reaching back to cover my butt, kicking my legs, wiggling, just about anything I can do to get out of the line of fire. I know Daddy would have kept spanking if I hadn’t made it so hard to hit his target. Which was part of what made me feel stupid and like a baby. He stopped, I can still sit, I’m not that sore yet I still freaked out and couldn’t take a spanking. In my head I constantly asked REALLY?!? REALLY LILY?!? I said at the top I never reach the exhaustion phase from a spanking though I know I want to get to that point and need to, it normally stops well before because of my wiggling.

After talking to Daddy I’ve decided to not only try to take my spankings better, we’re going to maybe look at other implement options, but I’m going to let him know when I’m starting to feel like this because it ends up hurting both of us when I pull away and that is most definitely not what I want.

Best: Daddy got me a bunch of Cadbury Mini Eggs.

Worst: Tummy hurt all day long. I hate ows.

<3 L

My Big Mouth

 

Daddy and I were relaxing and having a snack when he brought up the topic of continuing daily spankings for the near future because of my stress level. As I was without a reasonable argument in opposition to daily spankings I said “well if you’re going to spank me today can’t you spank me before MC comes home?” When that came out of my mouth I figured I’d get spanked within a few hours and at the least after we finished our snack.

Nope.

He proceeded to pull my underwear down and spank me while I’m kneeling in front of the couch bent over with my torso on the seat.  Well I wasn’t done with my McFlurry so I kept eating my snack while he spanked me. It took him a few minutes to realize I wasn’t completely focused on his hand smacking my bare butt and decided a change of venue was in order. Stripping me of my delicious treat he led me to the bedroom and bent me over the bed. He started again with his hand, lecturing me about why I needed daily spankings and asking random questions along the way. Daddy then asked me “Why do I spank you?” My typical response to this question is more often then not “Because you love me.” That’s been the accepted response for years and years and what he was looking for in this instance but is that what i replied?

Nope.

Instead I said “because you like it so much.” I thought it was a fun, truthful and cleaver answer. A fun, truthful, cleaver answer I instantly regretted as he grabbed the bath brush. I am most definitely a card carrying member of the Smart A** Club and this has gotten me into some hot water throughout our relationship. Obviously nothing has changed because now having a smart mouth is a punishable offense.  Did this thought cross my mind before I responded?

smartass

Nope.

Daddy started back in with the dreaded bath brush. I hate the bath brush. Evil little pine devil! This was only my second spanking that he used an implement since we started again. An already red, sore, newbie-ish butt v. the beastly bath brush. It did not end well.  He spanked while lecturing this time about my smart mouth. I was relieved when he leaned forward to look at me and ask why he spanked me again and telling me he loved me. Normally when we get to the ‘I Love Yous’  my spanking is pretty much over. Did my spanking end?

Nope.

I had to count out the last 20 with the brush and say “Thank you, Sir” after each one. Definitely not my favorite thing to do. Now, I had to then focus on not reaching back, keeping my legs down and out of the way all while counting and thanking him. The not reaching back is easy when you can fold your arms under yourself. The keeping your legs down is a little more difficult for me being bend over the bed but I was fairly successful. I was even able to count out the last 20 but did my butt survive?

Nope.

Just kidding. My butt’s alright, sore, red and warm especially as I’m sitting to type this out but no worse for the wear. I might have a few tiny bruises come tomorrow but we’ll just have to see :)

So to recap:

Don’t eat a snack while being spanked.

Don’t answer with what you think is a fun, truthful or cleaver response.

Don’t assume your spanking is going to be over.

Don’t do any of the above while already bend over with a red butt.

<3 L

Best: I get a little night tonight. Yay!

Worst: My McFlurry was melted by the time my spanking was over

 

 

A Conscious Choice?

frick

Long story short, I broke a rule. Take all pills and vitamins everyday. I have been particularly horrible at taking them for the past month, hence its inclusion in the rules. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the importance of taking them, ALL, everyday it just slips my mind, often. There are just too many and all of them have their own rules so if I screw up one then the next one is messed up and so on.

I didn’t pack any today for work so I messed up my entire day and didn’t have a chance to make it up. Either way I cut it, I’m down 4 pills at the end of the day. I’m honestly not sure if this was a conscious choice or not. I had ample opportunities to pack my pills for today. I could have packed them:

    *At any point in the day yesterday
    *When I took my other two pills this morning
    *When I added a string cheese to my lunch
    *After I got dressed in the morning
    *When I packed my bag for the day

But I didn’t, don’t ask me why. I thought about the pills at least twice but put it off. Daddy is not happy. I got a BB spanking with the belt all before my daily one, which made that one way worse. I am currently packing them for tomorrow, so don’t worry, I’ve learned my lesson.

Note to self: Don’t joke about the demise of the bath brush in the Great Chicago Fire of 1871, Daddy does not take it particularly well and threatens to locate the ‘remains’ to use immediately.

Best: Had an awesome food day

Worst: STUPID PILLS!

<3 L