I hate it. I hate everything about it. Hate is such a strong word but I do strongly dislike asking for help. It makes me feel useless and stupid. I do need help though so I put on my big girl panties and had a talk with Daddy.
I am an extremely independent person. I like things just so. I like to be on top of everything and get things done in an orderly organized manner. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I have a horrible memory and Daddy often says I need a rememberall from HP because I’m always forgetting something. This is my downfall.
Daddy and I talked the other day about needing more of a hands on approach/help on three things. First, focusing on my schoolwork and getting assignments turned in on time. I was the world’s best procrastinator back in the day and my game has gotten that much better since I have better reasons behind it. I’d much rather come home after work and play with the mini cupcake, put her down then relax with Daddy and sleep, but at some point I need to squeeze in time to do some homework. If it were up to me I’d probably never touch the stuff which is why I asked Daddy to help me.
Second, making sure I take every single one of my required pills. I have to take quite a few pills and vitamins throughout the day. I used to be fairly decent at remembering but my work schedule isn’t set at the moment. Which means each day I could and usually do work completely different hours. This totally throws my routine. As a result I’ve been missing most of my pills. Not good for my health so I asked Daddy for help.
Third, working out more. I’ve hit a plateau with my weight loss. I haven’t been losing any weight and been stuck at the same number for a couple of weeks now. It’s quite frustrating but at the same time since vacation my working out has been nearly non-existent. Yes, cause and effect, but I can’t seem to get motivated so I asked Daddy for help.
All of these things are pretty large items but I struggled with asking for help. Honestly, I still can’t wrap my head completely around the fact that I can’t do such simple things myself or manage my time better when I know its needed. I just feel ridiculous for needing help with this stuff, like I need a micro-manager constantly. I mean I’m an adult and should be able to pull my stuff together but I haven’t been able to find a groove lately.
As you can probably see this has led to more self doubt over the last week. I don’t want Daddy to get tired of helping me with everything all the time or burn him out being the meanie. He says its his job to look out for me and help keep me on track so I shouldn’t worry. Oh I worry, constantly, but I feel a lot better now that we’ve talked and talked and talked about everything.
So until I can find my groove with everything and get back to my routine Daddy’s going to help. He’ll be the brick wall I crash into when I just feel like giving in. I will find a groove! I nearly had a dent in one but the last 2 days were CrazyTown so back to square one. I’m still not giving up, though my butt may wave the white flag long before I do.
Best: going to play at the park with the MC
Worst: work late today